He said he'd fix it...and he is.

So, my last post was about the misperception of B's family about the nature of our relationship.  He said he'd fix it and he is.

His kids now know that he's dating me and is friends with Amylita and that yes, Amylita and I are "together", too.

I think they were confused for a minute, but, you know, they're kids, so I think it quickly passed.

Amylita and I are ecstatic about how things are unfolding.  I know I've said it before - but THIS is the poly we've always wanted.

This weekend Amylita is babysitting for her sister Saturday night and Sunday day.  B mentioned doing something with the kids on Saturday - and I think that's fantastic.  I think it will be good for them to see B and I together as a couple.

Life is good.  Really good!

"Can't they find you somebody?"

This was a comment made to B last night by his mother. He texted this to us while we were in Target. My knee jerk reaction was "ouch." It was like all the wind was sucked out of me and I felt my chest tighten. It was all I could do to hold my shit together and we had to leave the store before the flood of tears came. It started the second we hit the exit and I couldn't stop until about an hour after we got home.

Why was it so upsetting? There are several reasons:

I felt invalidated. I felt like I couldn't possibly be a viable option for B to date because of this perceived notion that everyone has that I'm a lesbian. This is, in part, B's fault, and I don't think it was a malicious thing, rather a way to introduce us into his life without it being terribly awkward and not realizing the repercussions it might have down the road. He told his family that Amy and I were a same sex couple - which bothered me from the start. Not because it was inaccurate or untrue; however, I feel like it set an expectation that is going to be difficult to get out from under. We talked about this several times and I worried that eventually this would happen.

I felt like this lifestyle that I've chosen was somehow wrong. I felt a little dirty. I felt like I was sneaking around. It's an uneasy feeling that is new for me. I've been actively poly for a long time (12 years, almost) and I've always been "out" about it. The people that know me and matter to me have known from the start. I mean, it's kind of difficult to explain away why I always had a girl with me and my now ex-husband. I figured that things weren't going to change anytime soon so why not just be open and honest about it from the start? Yes, I've lost friends and family due to my lifestyle choices because they couldn't wrap their heads around it or just flat out disapproved. It's been difficult in that regard; however, this is the life I choose to live every day.

I realize B has more at stake. He has children, family and friends that have only known him as married. I get that he lives in a more rural area and would probably be highly ostracized and there's a worry that it would spill over onto the kids. We all hate that it's the reality of the situation - AND - I know he's tried to deal with it the best he could. I have. Amy has.

In the last months we've made great strides with introducing Amy and I into his "real" life. I've met a co-worker and Amy and I have met more of his children. We've met his parents. Hell, we even met his ex-wife this weekend and had lunch with them and no one exploded. Even last night we had dinner with B and the Littles (the two youngest). It's been slowly building and wonderful and scary all at the same time. And then this. Reality smacking me in the face and making me acutely aware that there's the possibility that Amy and I will always be his "lesbian friends." It's like the universe said "Oh, you think things are moving forward, eh? Nope. Still a freak. Let me show you."

I think B heard me last night and for that I am thankful. Even though we have talked about it before, I think he really *heard* me. It was hard to say to him that I felt invalidated. It was hard to tell him I felt like a dirty secret. It was hard to tell him that I felt like I had to hide and didn't know what was appropriate and what wasn't. He was very sweet and reassured me that my feelings were justified and real. He assumed responsibility for his part in this situation. He said he was going to fix it. What that entails I do not know. All I know is I have to trust him and just let this go. There'll probably be more times like this for us and I've just got to grow a thicker skin. I've always been an outcast in some way or another and I realize being poly contributes to that. Most days it doesn't get to me - this one just did. Maybe if I didn't love him or our life together it wouldn't have been so devastating.

On the flip side, I have to look at it like his mom must really like us and think we know "somebody" worthy of being with him. That's a plus, right? Of course, that might change after she knows the truth. I have to have faith in the universe and in his parents that things will work out how they're supposed to. I just hope they're supposed to work out in our favor. I truly believe we've got something spectacular going on. I love him. I know he loves me.

There's another result in here, too, that involves me and Amy. She's terrified that our life is going to negatively impact my ability to have other relationships and I totally understand that fear. Our life isn't "normal". We don't fit into any category. There have been relationships I've had in the past that weren't taken seriously because it wasn't monogamous - and not just by the rest of the world, but by the actual boys I dated. They thought it was just for fun. Last night that fear reared its ugly head and that just added to the hurt.

* sigh * Sometimes being poly is hard. I just have to hold my head up and own my shit - even when it hurts.

Just sayin'

I am so in love with my loves that sometimes it makes my heart hurt - in a good way. I'm quite certain I'm the luckiest person I know.