NRE vs. ERE

NRE

New relationships bring with them a certain kind of energy.  You know, that giddy feeling that's always with you.  That excitement of getting to know someone.  The intensity of our emotions and the tenacity with which we pursue one another.  That's New Relationship Energy.

ERE

Existing relationships have a different kind of energy.  It's comforting, comfortable, easy, and while still exciting in many ways, that tingly feeling wanes a little to be replaced by what's hopefully a deep, wonderful and solid connection.  That's Existing Relationship Energy.

Both types are wonderful in their own ways.

While NRE is exciting and seems to devour us all, it also has a tendency to be somewhat fleeting.  We all "settle down" into our own comfortable dynamics eventually.  NRE makes us do silly things that we don't do in our other relationships.  There's the potential for existing relationships to suffer a little during this period because all our energy is focused on the newer relationship.
I have been lucky in that Amylita understands this.  Honestly, I do not know exactly how *I* would deal with, though.
I am finding that both of us (me and Amylita) are in this sort of NRE with B.  I don't think NRE is exclusive of friendships and I feel like that's where they are and it's really amazing to watch their friendship unfold.
I am also finding that this combined NRE is helpful to our ERE.  Mind you, the two of us have been together for nearly 12 years and we STILL get giddy and do the little things that have now become "traditions", i.e. writing little love notes, our morning rituals and the like.  I cannot deny that we have settled and become comfortable in our relationship, yet there's still a spark and for that I am thankful.
Since my relationship with B is like no other I've had with a boy I have struggled with worrying that after the NRE wears off he will find out I'm not as awesome as he originally thought.  While I get that's irrational, it is there and it is what it is. 


I wonder if I'm the only one who feels that way?

So THIS is good poly

I think I've waited my whole poly life for this experience.

Things are good.  Like good, good.  I had started to think it wasn't possible and here we are.  I've known B for nearly a year and it just keeps getting better all the way around.  Our dynamic as a couple is awesome, his dynamic with Amylita is awesome and our three person dynamic is awesome, too.

Amylita is giddy over my relationship with him and excited about hers and that's not something that has ever really happened before.  That's not to say she hasn't gotten along with previous boyfriends - yet this is different.  This is real and not just her going through the motions.  I know we're Southern and all and she can be polite - but - she doesn't have to be with B.  They are friends.  They love one another.  They are the same person with different genitalia.  It's odd and wonderful all at the same time.

This is also the first relationship I've had with a boy that posits us both as equals.  There is no him-needing-me-more-than-I-need-him or vice versa.  We can just be ourselves and it's enough.  It's ok.  I've only really had that with Amylita.  Honestly, it was really difficult to accept that at first but I think I'm getting the hang of it.

Most days my heart is so full of love that I'm sure it's going to explode - and then I contemplate how fantastic it would be to explode love all over the place.  I bet that's a mess no one would mind.

I met his family!

Well, MOST of it!  OMG!

In one week I managed to quintuple the number of people in his life I had met.  First the co-worker and now 2 more of his kids AND HIS PARENTS.

B coaches youth basketball and asked if we'd like to come to one of the games - of course we would!  It was awesome and wonderful and I was nervous but it was for nothing and, and, and....

I HUGGED HIS MOTHER!

It's real.  It's not just something to pass the time.  * squee *

It meant so much to me and Amylita.  There aren't words.

And, we get B all week this week!  * double squee *

Follow Up to Dinner with Co-worker

OMG.  It was a great time!  I was a little nervous at first, but as the night progressed it was really fun!  A couple beers didn't hurt, either.

They were precious and interesting and we had good conversation.  And - they're athiests, which is refreshing.

I do hope we see them again.

On a bigger scale, though, it was amazing to be out with B as his girlfriend.  It was nice to socialize with another couple AS a couple.  I cannot convey how much that meant to me.

Thanks, B.

And, thank you, Amylita, for being an awesome partner.  It thrills me to pieces that you get almost as excited, if not more, about my relationship with B.

I am one lucky bitch. ;)

It really bothers me when...

Someone I respect isn't honest with me.

Meeting an OSO's family, co-workers, etc.

So, B mentioned that we might have dinner with a co-worker Wednesday.

While I am so excited (like, really!) to do this, it also terrifies me!  Why? Well, here goes:

First, I am worried about my tattoos.  Not ashamed of them, mind you, just worried.  I know that while ink is pretty mainstream now some people frown upon it.  I'm more worried about this with B's parents.

Second, I'm worried about my overall appearance.  Not that I think I'm not attractive, etc., just that I know that B's ex-wife lost a lot of weight and I worry about being compared to her. 

And then there's the general worry about not being entertaining enough or funny or witty. 

These are all valid concerns, even if they're not necessarily rational.  I am just going to be me and let the chips fall where they may.

Maybe wearing a pretty new bra and panties B got me will make me feel better. * grin *

Weird Weekends...

are weird.  Sometimes not in a good way, either.

This weekend A had a friend visit.  I say he is her friend because, honestly, I don't feel like he and I are friends anymore - more like acquaintances.  Him visiting wasn't a problem initially. 

You see, a year ago she professed her love - not platonic - for him.  So, that tension is there.

Secondly, A has some issues that prevent her from having things that are exclusively for herself.

I tend to get so excited at the mere prospect of her having a "normal" relationship that I think I tend to push too hard.  That's not fair and yet, it is what it is.  Can't change that now.

Let me clarify the "normal" part.  Our life together is not "normal" - there is an issue that has been looming over us for a really long time (a decade, perhaps).  It causes stress in our relationship (which is otherwise amazing) that impacts us both negatively.  I cannot say that A isn't aware and hasn't been working on this.  She has.  I know she worries about it constantly.

The thing is - the root cause of this monster - in my opinion - is fear.

So, anyway, friend comes into town and I offer to give them time alone.  That freaks her out.  I know that she would be focused on me if I were in the same space with them and I don't want to impede her even remotely allowing herself to just be *her*.  I made plans to go out with B to dinner, which always seems to comfort her (my being with B).  Of course, that did not stop her from freaking out about being alone with friend.

That one simple thing started an avalanche that escalated into something horrific.  I am ashamed at how I handled it and have been kicking myself in the ass ever since.

How do I balance being excited and feeling sad knowing that it would probably be easier for her to be in a relationship with a boy?  I think I'd feel slighted if it *was* easier because our relationship lacks in an area.  I know that being poly means getting needs fulfilled from different places so as to not put stress on a primary partner.  I totally get that and fully believe it.  However, some things are integral to the success of a relationship and when something like that is missing - it's hard to have compersion and be happy to see that same thing that causes an issue in one relationship flourish in another.

I just need to accept that mine and A's relationship is the way it is and hope for it to change yet prepare for it to stay the same.  I need to get over feeling a little worried that her "normal" relationship with someone else would be something she preferred and I'd be replaced.  If that happened I'd certainly deal with it, right?  I mean, I would have to.  It doesn't mean I'd like it, though.

After much round and round Friday and Saturday morning I think we're at least headed in the right-ish direction.  I spent the day with friend while A had to work and it was awkward.  I made plans to go to the movies with B that night so they could have some time together again.  That was awkward, too, and he mentioned leaving and I told him that A would be upset if he left before she got off work, so he stayed til then and my understanding was he was leaving right after dinner.  I left to go to the movies and when I got out at 10:30 I called A to tell her I was on my way home and he was still there.  Like I said, he's her friend, not mine.  It was interesting that his plans changed, but that's another story for another day.  It did bother me; perhaps a little more than it should.  I was able to tell A that it bothered me without it being a huge deal, so that helped.  It didn't make it any less awkward, but it helped some.

* sigh *

Major fail weekend thus far.

Sunday was a little better.  A and I spent the day being lazy.  We stayed in bed into the early afternoon and it was wonderful.  We listened to the rain the rest of the day, played cards, crafted, listened to music - and we didn't have to talk about the horrible situation from the last two days.  It doesn't mean it's not still an issue, but at least we didn't have to continue on the downward spiral.


I did enjoy spending time with B, though.  He was supposed to be with us this week but there was a change of scheduling.  I will see him on Wednesday night and we may go out to dinner with one of his CO-WORKERS.  That's a BFD (Big Fuckin' Deal).  I hope I don't make a fool of myself.  That's a whole 'nother post.

Today is so fired.

I don't understand why people can't just own their own shit and do what they want instead of using others as an excuse to stay in the same rut.  Actively choosing even the littlest bit of unhappiness totally boggles my mind.  Making the best of a situation you have no control over is one thing, but to *actively choose* it is something altogether different.

Frustrating is an understatement.