Shiny wearing off?

Sometimes our brains do fucked up things to us.

For example, right now, my brain is telling me that my shiny has worn off with B.  I'm not entirely certain that's true, mind you, it's just where my brain is taking me.

I know that D/s is an important part of our relationship - not the end all, be all, of course, but I have to acknowledge that it is important.

I feel like I'm failing him in that department.

I don't believe anyone can carry on that dynamic 24/7 and, quite honestly, I know that I am not capable of that.  I don't want an automaton or someone who is always agreeable with me.  I like challenges.  I like different perspectives on everything.  I like hearing other opinions.  I mean, at the end of the day we're still people, right?

So, how do I "make him feel it" when we do have a D/s encounter?

We've talked about it and I think I at least have a starting point.  I know being spontaneous is alluring; however, when time is limited I think it would be better if we actually planned our D/s scenes - not down to the activities, but "This time is set aside for this."

B has assured me that D/s isn't the only part of our relationship and I do believe that.  I also *know* that it is something we both want.

I have to figure this out.  I don't want our mundane lives to take over and put us in a rut.  I don't want to be work for him. 

*sigh*  I'm sure I'm probably making it bigger than it is, yet, at the same time, I cannot ignore it.

And, on top of that I'm a little worried about the whole leaving marks thing.  We've discussed it, I've heard the limitations and it's definitely something I can live with; however, I'm acutely aware that some marks are *not* ok and I don't ever want to cross that line again.  I feel awful that I crossed it in the first place.  I feel responsible for the ripples it caused.  In all fairness, I didn't know that line was there so I can't beat myself up too much about it.  At the same time, though, I just feel like I should have known somehow it wasn't ok.  I'm not psychic, but I'm workin' on it.

B's going out of town for a few days for a conference.  Maybe this time apart will prove to be a Good Thing for both of us.