Meh.

Not feeling so hot today.  Had a headache since yesterday.  I blame the weather.

In other news - B spent two nights with us last week.  We all piled up in bed and snuggled and played cards and laughed and geeked out.  It was really awesome spending time together the three of us. :)

A's doing much, much better since her meds have been adjusted.  I am so thankful for that.  We're in a pretty good place right now. :)

I'm becoming much more aware of just what an integral part of my life and our lives B is.  That does scare me a little.  I have abandonment issues.  The ones we love have the ability to hurt us the most.  It's not that I walk around guarded.  In fact, it's the opposite.  I am a jump in with both feet kinda girl.  (As an aside, I find it amusing that B told me I was "cautious".)  I love fiercely and seemingly fearlessly; however, on the inside I have my moments.  It's not that I'm afraid of loving.  It's not that I'm afraid of being loved.  I'm afraid of it ending.  I'm afraid of not being good enough or worth the work that relationships take.  I would really like for this not to govern my actions, but, unfortunately sometimes it does.  I try to catch myself and stop the loop that plays in my head.  Most of the time I am successful.

Anyway, after spending time with him I miss him more.  I want him more.  I want to be near him more.  It's not that I want more FROM him.  He's amazing and wonderful and treats me well - just like A does.    I just...miss him when he's not there.  I miss either of my loves when they're not there.  I like to think that's a good thing.