So, it dawned on me that I've been seeing B for about 8 months now. The time has flown by and at the same time I feel like we've lived a lifetime in those short months.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the relationship A and B have. It feels a little artificial to me (and maybe "artificial" isn't the right term). It seems like they are both still worried about stepping on one another's toes that it stifles their relationship dynamic.
When I talk to A about it she's all "it's whatever level B's comfortable with." The hitch there is that she doesn't *know* what B's comfort level is because they haven't talked about it. I know B wants to be friends with her. I know he doesn't want to make her uncomfortable, either.
So, the result is that this issue is making *me* uncomfortable. I have tried to encourage A to reach out to B and try to be friends with him - like *real* friends. I don't want to be the middle man. I don't want to be the tie that binds. I want them to be friends in their own rights. Independent of me.
Why do I think A should reach out to B? Well, in all honesty I think that it might be harder for B since he entered into mine and A's already established relationship.
It just hurts my heart that they both still have a level of awkwardness between them. I am not trying to force a relationship there. I just don't think it has to be as awkward as it is.
Of course, after talking with A about it - apparently it's my fault that she doesn't know what's "appropriate".
Will there ever be a day when everything can just be OK? A day where I don't have to explain away the awkwardness, a day where I don't have to be the middle man or the mediator or the glue, a day where I can just be with my loves and be able to breathe without having to worry and they can just be themselves, too.
I'm beginning to think that I am the only one who even cares about it and that makes me more sad. A thinks everything's fine. B thinks A is just weird like that. Sometimes I just want to run away from all of it and be by myself.
I feel like I have to do it all and they don't realize it's running me into the ground.
Do other poly people have these issues? Surely they do, right?
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